Updated: Apr 10, 2020
Hi friends :). So I know I haven't written you in awhile, and I know I promised you weekly posts. I just want to say here that a lot of it is because of the ups and downs happening in my life with school, work, and in my family. Because of this, my posts may not be as frequent, but I definitely have not forgotten about you! And I will continue sharing my thoughts and reflections with you here <3.
Okay, so I'm going to be really honest with you about this whole singleness thing. As much as I told myself I'm fine being single– really, I'm super happy *as tear slowly falls down my face*– I experienced a lot of moments of being angry with God and not happy at all about being single.
In all my sadness and longing, I would start turning my mind to past relationships and wonder if I should go back to them (which is not good since when you break up with someone, it's for a reason).
After I would realize that getting back together with an ex isn't such a great idea, I would start thinking about considering guys who I don't really like all that much, but who I try to help myself see all the good qualities about him (even though I know it doesn't make me super happy to be around him).
Friends, I have had many moments of weakness where I have told myself it's okay to be with someone who doesn't make me too happy but that meets all of the points on my check-list of my ideal partner.
But the truth is, even if someone meets all the check marks on paper doesn't mean that they will make you happy; meeting the check marks doesn't even mean they will even be good for you.
I promise it's true. It's happened to me.
The guy had all the things I was looking for– Catholic, smart, respectful, family-oriented, comes from an immigrant background and can understand my worldview. But in the end, something simply was not clicking and it felt like a chore being with the person. Each date would leave me feeling exhausted and in tears because I was disappointed that I wasn't feeling it. I would cry after every date, blaming myself for why things never work out for me.
And in thinking that there was something wrong with me the whole time, I would try to make myself stay with the person, telling myself it's just me that needs to change.
Which would only make me feel even worse.
Friends, if you have a flower that's wilting, you don't blame the flower and ask it why it's not doing a better job at growing. No. You change it's soil. You try moving it to a new place that has more sunlight. Maybe you give it a bigger pot.
You don't change the flower. You change it's environment.
When you feel like you're wilting in a relationship, maybe it's not really yourself that you need to change.
One of the bravest things I have had to do in the past is gather the courage to walk away from someone who simply did not provide an environment for me to grow and feel happy.
If you're in that position of not wanting to leave a relationship because you don't how you're ever going to find anyone else, I know how hard this can be.
But deep down in my heart, I've learned that being true to myself and saying "yes" to following my heart has always been the greatest victory. It's so frightening but at the same time the only thing that makes me truly happy and alive.
Something I've learned from all these sad good-byes (and I've had a good share of them) is that as much as it is a victory to find someone who is truly a good fit for you, it's just as big of a victory to be able to walk away from those who are not a good fit.
Last year, after joining an online dating site for the third time (I joined it a couple of times a few years back and had no luck), and being disappointed for the third time, I made a very conscious decision to stop trying to settle for men who didn't make my life better or happier, and I decided to make the most of being single.
I'm going to tell you now that it was the best decision I've made, probably ever.
I honestly believe that it's way better to be single and to live a beautiful, inspiring life, where you get to do all the things you've dreamed of doing like making memories with friends, traveling, and putting your heart into work you love, bettering yourself and the world around you– than being in a relationship that makes you feel kind of insecure and drained, just for the sake of being with someone.
Since I have made the decision to choose singleness over settling, I have traveled by myself to different countries, met really cool women who were also traveling solo and who inspired me so much to not let fear get in the way of living life. I've nurtured the friendships I have and have made a conscious effort to choose friendships with those who see the best in me, and who I can do the same for them. Some of the most rewarding moments have been staying by my friends' side who are going through something hard and being able to taste the sweetness of them getting through it and be part of the moment they finally overcome their battle. Being more available to share your friends' struggles is something you'll mostly only get when you're single. Also, another one of my favorite parts of being single has been being able to tune out any noise and really get to know myself better, to know what's important to me, and what things make me happy.
Sometime this weekend, I want you to sit down and think of the good things in your life. Yes, sit on your bed or snuggle with a nice blanket on the couch looking out the window and just think :).
What are the things that make you happy? The cool thing about being single is that this is a unique time to really get to know the things that bring you joy, and to be free to choose these joys.
Is it spending time with your family? Maybe a certain family member in particular? Maybe it's going to the beach with some friends? Or maybe it's pampering yourself in some way? Perhaps it's trying new things like going on an Airbnb experience and meeting new people.
I hope that you are able to see just how much singleness is better than settling, and be able to see all the joys waiting to be experienced right here and now.