Hello my lovelies! I hope you had a productive week so far and are enjoying the start of your weekend. I’m popping into your inbox on a Friday this time because I wanted to give you a special message before Valentine’s Day rolls around on Sunday. You know, to give enough time for you to take it in and reflect ;).
My birthday is in February, the week right before Valentine’s Day when most single people try not to remember that they are single.
It was my birthday last week and for some odd reason, whenever it’s my birthday, I have this weird melancholy that comes over me. It’s this deep sadness, the kind that comes when you feel unloved (even though it’s highly unjustified and there are so many people who love and celebrate me around me... thank you my wonderful friends and family <3).
For a long time, I couldn’t help it, feeling sad.
Looking back, I have a theory that it comes from something that happened when I turned 21.
I was in college, and I had my first boyfriend. It was a short lived relationship and was not made to last, but our relationship started to bloom in the time period right before my birthday and Valentine’s Day.
You could say he was my first Valentine.
But right before that, we were still ‘just friends.’
It was just after my birthday dinner when he was walking me home, he turned to me and said something so romantic yet so impulsive, the way most guys do when they think they’re in love.
He said, “From now on, wherever you are in the world, I’m going to find you on your birthday.” As if to say that no matter what happened, he would forever love me and make me feel special on my birthday.
It made me laugh and feel in awe at the fantastic promise he placed before me.
Before that, I had not met anyone who pursued me or made his feelings known so openly.
It was an amazing feeling, and I just took it all in.
Fast-forward to the following year. It was my birthday. We had already broken up. Yet somehow, I hoped that he would sweep in and keep his promise.
That he’d show me that he still loves me. That never happened.
For some time, every birthday after that felt like a reminder that I really wasn’t worthy of being loved unconditionally.
I told myself I wasn’t worth anything to him anymore, therefore maybe I wasn’t worth much at all.
Have you ever experienced anything like this?
I think a lot of us go through similar feelings of feeling unloved this time of the year, especially we single humans. On one hand, it’s a normal feeling to have. To want to have an exclusive, lasting love that is pure and true. We were made for this kind of love.
Getting Down to the Truth
I’ve changed my mind about thinking that my birthday and Valentine’s Day are really code for No One Loves Me Day.
More recently, I was in a relationship with someone I truly loved. And my birthday rolled around. And I have to tell you that somehow, even though I had this wonderful man in my life, the melancholy was still knocking at my door.
Can you believe that?
Even then with an amazing man beside me who made his feelings known for me, I was still tempted to feel unloved. It made me realize that maybe it really wasn’t man’s love that I needed to make that melancholic feeling go away. Maybe it was I who needed to love myself.
I know, so cliche. But that's what happened!
It was on that day that I decided no more. No more feeling like I’m not loved enough on my birthday and Valentine’s Day. I love me. The sadness of No One Loves Me Day can’t exist when I love me.
And that is the truth.
And when you accept this truth, you realize that true love is all around.
True Love is All Around
I have a friend who told me that one of her best-ever-Valentine’s-Days consisted of her and her friends having a picnic in the sun, reading magazines, laughing, and exchanging Valentine’s Day cards. We are here on this earth to remind each other how loved and priceless we are to each other. Couples aren’t the only ones who can have an awesome Valentine’s Day. Love is truly all around.
I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward this Valentine’s Day.
Maybe I’ll share margaritas with some sweet friends or drop off some handwritten love notes + candy to my golden-aged neighbors. I hope that this weekend is a time for you to realize you have magic right inside your own heart— you don’t have to wait for a partner in order to have an amazing Valentine’s Day.
Sending you lots of love and wishing you a very magical Valentine’s Day 💖.